


Transmorphers Convoy

by spookyhat



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Car/Mechanic, Fight Scene, Gay Robots, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28974813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyhat/pseuds/spookyhat
Summary: A parody of the Transformers, featuring a crackship between an old dad robot and the young mechanic who can oil up his cold metal heart.
Relationships: Original Cybertronian Character(s)/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	Transmorphers Convoy

_"Long ago, the Engine Wars brought an end to our homeland. We were mighty, but divided we fell. Now, we protect a new world from the Perjuroids, alongside new allies - the Humans of Earth."_

The Welder pulled up his face shield and grinned. "First robot president. How's it feel?"

"You know, I can't say I was holding my breath, but... It feels alright." Key Lime Drive shuddered as his human companion checked his handiwork. "Feel much better when you gas me up and send me out there."

The young man nodded. While he shut the hood on the lime green muscle car, he kept his eyes on the television.

_"It is my promise to the American public that this administration will not treat lightly the threat placed upon us by this force, and will indeed confront it with strict and unerring justice."_

"You used to fight them too, right? Right on the streets, with the big hitters." The Welder grabs the red can of gasoline.

It takes a second for the car to respond as he feels his gut filling with liquid fire. "Yeah, yeah. Back when it was all underground. Things escalated, and my block just wasnt cut out for it after a while. I did what I could, but... you should have seen my rig after '72. I'm surprised I made it out."

"You know, I've been looking at your block for about a year now. I've got you good to race, but what the hell do you think I've been doing up there?"

Key Lime Drive is quiet once again, as the Welder lays down the can and approaches the hood - but it's stuck closed.

"What did you do to me, kid?"

"My job. I fixed you. And your transmorpher. Took me a while to get the parts in, but you're good to morph again. Been good for a few weeks, actually. I just needed to finish your body work."

The car's engine fires, and rubber begins spinning against the slick shop floor. "Kid, I haven't morphed in thirty years. That's behind me, I don't need it. Take it out." Its voice is panicked.

"Come on! You've got your legs back, man, that's what I'm saying!" The Welder grips onto the grill of the car, wrestling it in place, braced against the floor. With a heave, he attempts to lift the hood.

As the latch snaps under the immense strain, the car leaps backwards through the air, launched by its own suspension in panicked fligh, revealing the mechanical undercarriage of the robot. Within, inscrutable technologies shifted effortlessley, like new after three decades of disrepair. Before either of them knew it, Key Lime Drive skidded to a halt in a crouch, dragging a steel hand along the floor.

In the silence which followed, the like-new robot gazed down at itself, putting a hand to its chest - right where it had last seen a gaping hole, now untouched steel stood strong.

The Welder grabbed a wide truck's mirror and turned it towards his client, who cut a glance to it. "Take a look for yourself, big guy."

"You really did fix me." It moved, following itself as it did, standing and walking. "I look... wow. Not a day over fifty."

"Mighty sexy, if I may say so. Looking a bit broader round the gas tank, that's just the drag support for your chassis. You also got a bigger fender, I did all I could with that one. I think a little junk in the trunk don't hurt."

"Welded on love handles?" It balances itself on the hydraulic lift, gently centering itself. 

"You know I'm not paying you extra for this, righ-" It's cut off by a burst of sound from the TV - screaming, and something else. The two turn, afraid to see what has become of the President's inauguration. 

_"Two bombs have gone off, and the president is nowhere to be found. The crowd is fleeing, the Hill is in complete chaos. We do not yet know the culprit, but... I think we all have an idea._ The newscaster sounded grim, but before he could continue the feed was cut. 

_LA County Advisory - There is an active Perjuroid threat. Please seek shelter and stay where you are. Use of roadways and vehicles is prohibited at this time._

"Shit. Kid, lock the doors. If they're stealing parts, they're not gonna hit a place like this unless they need to."

The Welder furrows his brow. "Wait, you're not gonna do something? What about the glory days, saving the world?"

"Look, thank you for fixing my morph. I... I can't actually tell you how much this means. But if you think putting me on two legs again is all it takes to hold off an army of Perjuroids, you're just foolin' yourself. I've always been the runt of the litter, kid - good for the dragstrip, and not much else."

"I ask you again - what the hell do you think I've been doing for the past year?"

Before it can answer, a roar outside quickly gives way to the cries of torn sheet metal. A single massive dent in the metal quickly folds as the door is ripped from its hinges and thrown into the afternoon air. 

"Bobcat - long time, no see." Key Lime Drive turns, placing itself between the Welder and the mechanical menace.

"You got fat, bootlicker." The golden-yellow construction robot stomps towards the muscle car, and suddenly the years start coming back to it.

It bends its knees slightly, remembering now that it has them - and raises Its hands in a boxing pose. While Bobcat reared his single, massive claw, Key Lime Drive ducked underneath his wide swing and punched up at the robot's exposed underarm. Its fist collided with the hydraulic pistons and crushed them, leaving the arm limp as it swung down, directly towards the Welder.

"No!" The muscle car grips Bobcat's excavator arm and lifts it away from the man. Its engine begins to whine as he shifts gears just to keep up with the massive weight of the limb, until the construction robot crosses with its left fist into Key Lime Drive's head.

The Welder is stunned at the sudden violence, but overcomes himself once his protector is knocked aside. While the enemy bot struggles to deal with its deadened arm, the young man sprints towards the racer. He lifts the green robot's head, asessing the damage while speaking quietly to his friend. "Hey, buddy, it's gonna be alright. I can buff this out. Just gimme a few minutes, you'll look like new."

Its eyes sparked, and it looked at its concerned friend. "I'll be fine. Just get-" it's cut off by the wrenching of metal, as Bobcat pulls the arm from its chassis, leaving dangling strings of wire like gore from a wound. It grips the excavator claw with its other arm, lifting the entire wrist assembly off the ground and wielding it like an oversized club.

"Inside. Now." Key Lime Drive's body opens at a seam in the neck, revealing something hidden - a small space lined with leather, just fit for a person to sit in. The Welder dives inside, the body slamming together after him while he adjusts himself.

"Cozy, huh?" He says, pulling himself upright in the caged chair.

"I gotta fit the upholstrey in somewhere." The robot quips before leaping at Bobcat, catching its wide swing in two palms. It leaned back onto the heavy tires on his ankles, thanking Americans for making it a rear-wheel drive. Its engine roared, sending it spinning in a tight donut. With that great momentum it tossed the Perjuroid back out through the garage door, into a heap next to the other cars in the lot.

Before the furious bot could attempt to retaliate, or even stand, a tall black figure fell on top of it, feetfirst, driving it into the concrete. Key Lime Drive followed the thing outside, and stared down the black transmorpher as it wrenched its clawed feet free from Bobcat's chassis. When it looked at the bright green muscle car standing on two feet again, it whistled, a chipper sound from the frightening-looking machine.

"The sixties were a long time ago, rusty bastard." It laughs, reaching a hand out to shake.

"Not long enough." It catches the handshake, and the Welder lifts himself from the bots chest, catching an eye from the new robot.

"Not long enough, indeed."

"DeDe, he's my _mechanic_." It says, its tone harsh.

"Alright, then, introduce me to your 'mechanic'."

"Do I have to? Jeez. This is..." If robots could cringe, it was trying hard not to. "Dread Dead Mechromancer."

The edgy 'bot chuckled, a reverberating, metallic noise. "Haha, yes! Love to hear you say it." 

"You're the ex-Perjuroid, right? Man, I was just a kid when word got out you changed sides." The Welder slides down Key Lime Drive's shoulder, balancing on its forearm just to reach for a handshake himself. "I'm not a mechanic, really. He tells me where stuff goes, I put it in. Only thing I'm any good at is welding."

"Hey, can't tell you how many times all I needed was a good sear." DeDe looks over its shoulder to the Perjuroid, vainly attempting to lift itself off the ground with a chugging motor. "'Course, we have bigger problems."


End file.
